i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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