So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
