Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
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This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
