guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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