is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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