My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize