I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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