The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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