No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
