Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sext me about skeletons
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
