then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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