I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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