I look better un-naked...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
