I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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