rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
