Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
