I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I looked at my own cervix.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
