I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
