I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
