My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
