apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
