my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Life is so much better after having sex.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize