I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Randomize
