it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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