Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
