Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
