Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
