I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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