i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
