belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
