i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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