don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
