Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
