I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
