apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
