the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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