Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
