Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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