There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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