Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
