I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
