remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I smell stomach acid.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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