Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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