If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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