You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
His nipple licking is glorious
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