Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
