you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
