rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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