Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
