so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Four minutes until I can fart!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
