Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
