A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize