At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
