I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
