I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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