do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I could fuck to npr.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
