just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
