So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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