phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
