FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
