Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
