I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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