OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize