I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize