yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
