i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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