I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
