normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize