I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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