I'm passing your future prison.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
