her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
