I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
